#holidays

This is the time for all smiles, hugs, and kisses..

Pampering our men & showering our misses..

Full of warm feelings and boiler hisses

But what makes me the happiest

Is the family gathering, the carol caroling!

The excitement and joy, knowing everyone’s here.

Forgetting all the troubles, horrors, and mistakes..

Putting all bad to the back, for ONE successful day🤞🏽

Being a family!

Having a family – I must say!💫

Advertisements

-confused•overlooked👁

Some days like today, my mind tends to take its own way. Who knows where it’ll take me, or how it’ll make me feel. One simple thought could turn everything into salt! Why do you let yourself think these things? they say.. Why can’t you just be happy? THEY SAY!! You MUST find it “within” ..

BUT HOOOOOW?! How must I find something that’s not there, let alone give a answer to a question that I seek of a answer my..self. IDK!I’m left confused.. not only of what to do, but of why!

Why MUST I feel these things, think these things, see these things, hear these things..? Can’t you see the judging really gets to me, it really hurts deep! I don’t know why my mind thinks these things! I can’t tell you why I’m crying, I can’t elaborate on what hurt me!

First you judge me, then take it and make it a joke.. make fun of it and laugh, like you don’t ‘reap what you sow’ .. Those long nights, up crying until you can’t cry.. Them cold nights, when you have someone to hold but.. rather be distant dying, silently, alone.. Or those moments when things didn’t go right, and you felt you should just end it all. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Feeling like these no more reason to fight, despising every breathe entering your wind pipe..Don’t tell me nothing about heartache!! And FOR SURE it’s NOT FAKE!

Do you think it’s.. pleasurable? Do you think it’s FUN? Do you think it’s a petty party? It’s far from amusing, wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. It’s hurt, DEEPLY! Depression! Anxiety! Stress! PAIN! SUFFERING! ITS REAL!

And I KNOW! And I WILL SPEAK! I WILL LET IT OUT! Someone WILL HEAR IT❗️

BUT UNTIL THEY FEEL IT, I’m here to tell ALL of my fellow victims.. YOU ARE NOT ALONE, you are a PERFECT imperfection! You ARE beautiful! You MATTER! You ARE SOMEONE! A SPECIAL speck on this big globe of freckles. Playing YOUR SPECIAL PART!

Let NO ONE break your spirit! It gets hard, but keep pushing! NEVER give up! Someone is always going to be here to listen, talk, relate, feel, guide, help, WHATEVER. Just SPEAK. Please. Don’t suffer silently.

#LateNights😓

Some nights like tonight, sleep is hard to find.. my mind wonders, making my heart thump..

Thinking of all types of things, I’ve did and haven’t done.. where I have and haven’t gone..

Good deeds and things I’ve done wrong..

Thinking usually slips me into depression, then tears begin to roll..

Turning on my side, there’s no one to hold,

Your side of the bed, still cold😔

And my heart won’t let me grow 😭

Will you speak out, or drown in sorrow?? Wishing for a better tomorrow! I hold my head and dig for some faith to borrow..

Nights are the heaviest weight to carry, they bring all wish, memories, dreams, emptiness, and all the things you wish to bury..

Wish I could turn back. To the times when the night only meant: baths and bed right after you’ve been fed..

No time to think about the struggles of life, to busy wondering what you’ll dream about tonight..

What adventures await, the dream of the day!

Now when it’s dark out, and the stars begin to play.. my mind goes away

Far FAR away, sometimes I think I’ll never be ok

All those scars beginning to burn!

All those heavy thoughts, they’ve returned 🤕

All those lessons, I LEARNED!

I don’t want to be reminded! I don’t want to feel this pain, I’m tired of being drained!

I want joy, not sorrow!

I want to be HAPPY to awaken tomorrow, instead.. I hate to awaken another day, to see a new face, to breathe is to be alive!

And to be alive, is to be blessed..

But of all those things, I feel so less 💔🖤

#LIVE💖

What are most of your worries? Name some things that are stressing you.. what are they? I’m thinking its financial, MAYBE! It could be your job.. Maybe because you’re lacking things you feel you should have, or behind in time. Wanting to reach goals that seem so far? Can’t seem do or be ‘PERFECT’ for someone? Can’t get over something that seems so deep?ETC! WHATEVER IT MAY BE..

listen to me 👂🏽

LET GO! LET GO! LET GO!

Don’t think about it too hard, whatever your heart feels will be your FIRST THOUGHT 💭

Don’t stare at it too long, if it catches your eye.. get it!

If it’s a place you want to travel, GO 🛫

If there’s something you wish to see, SEE!

If there’s a feeling you crave deep, seek! Let that feel BE.💗

If there’s something you want to say, SPEAK 🗣

It’s crazy! We human beings understand VERY WELL, “tomorrow isn’t promised” .. yet, we still stress and waist our precious time on worldly things. Like bills, cars, houses, money, what we have, and what they NEXT person has🙄. What can any of those things do for us when the heart is broken?? When the soul is weak?? When you speak, but no one is listening?? That HURTS DEEP!! What about family?? What about culture?? What about love?? What about unity?? We’re suppose to be WHOLE! We are divided in a world that’s getting colder by day. Blinded by these things that are leading us to the place we’re not even THINKING about..

When I leave, who will miss me?? OR WHO WILL WE MISS?? Did I tell them I love them enough? The question is.. DID YOU SHOW THEM YOU LOVED THEM ENOUGH 🤧 time is irreplaceable and waits on no one or nothing.. ever heard the saying “give the ones you love their roses while they can smell them” ?? Well i believe in that saying very much! No matter what happened yesterday, or what’s coming up tomorrow.. we have to live for today!

So STOP, stop stressing about what you can NOT control. Take ONE day at a time, ONE second into every minute.. enjoying what makes you, YOU. And when I say, YOU, I mean actually ‘YOU’. Not where you come from or family.. but what brings out the light in you✨ what helps show you’re inner beauty. Doing the things YOU like to do, not because you ‘have to’ because you ‘WANT TO’ 😌

-tNl🧠

#HOPE..

Something woke me up today, on ANOTHER level.. A HIGHER level, a GREATER spirit! 🤸🏽‍♀️ like something whispered in my ear and said to me “Hold On” 💪🏽 you got this! Be strong 😌 giving me hope to move on, but differently.. he said to me “GET UP!”

” On to, your TWO feet.. and BE what it is, that I’ve sent you to be.. let not your mind trick you to be this “naive” this “bitter” human being.

But be who you know deep down, you are indeed! Let that beauty shine, let it come from deep within, THEN! Then, will your journey BEGIN.. ”

I hope to give hope to the world, and strength to the weak.. because I didn’t have anyone to give to me ..

-tNl🧠

#AnswerMe.

How can I be so naive?

So bitter, buried under insecurities🤧

Looking at everything one sided

No chance to love me.

Everyone’s the enemy!

Thinking how could this be, in the mirror ..

You wanna know what I see?

A broken image, hurting deep..

A soul fighting to be free!

Feels like only one understand, is me.

Can’t express this, can’t let them see!

Not this me, this me is too weak😞

No one will understand, can’t even ask for a hand

To hold, to keep.. to stay!

And never leave😪

Seeing me for me, and not what they’ve made me to be

Look deep, you’ll see.

I believe, she’s still in me

But only the real can see; the tiny peace of faith buried deep inside of me

That’s what keeps me going, hoping for a better morning

Where I won’t wake up hurting, just because I ‘CAN see

Just because I ‘CANthink, see, hear, eat..

Have you ever felt that hurt?

Where your breathe makes you weAk🤨

Wishing your heart would seize

No more existence of me, no more memories

Of the hurt, the pain,

No more let down, no more burdens

No weight on no ones shoulder

Would it all THEN, be over??

-tNl🧠

#CanYouHearMe👣

Things toughened, but times ticking

Needing a blessing, drowning in depression

No way to tell it, but through poetry👩🏽‍💻..

Look in the mirror, this isn’t me!

Who can be, someone so naive, WEAK!👥

Hideout, you’re hideous🤦🏿‍♀️

Be quiet, no one cares!🙊

You’re THE bad person, how dare you speak.

Your opinion, we don’t need..

To a family, the black sheep 🐑 ……

Thinking to myself, WHY ME??

Keeping everything bottled in, trying to make a monster of me?

Trying to belittle the small confidence I’ve managed to keep,

An break the walls I’ve build to protect me?

I won’t let you! I can’t let you!

You’re beneath me demon! You will not win!

Keeping everything beneath, can’t let you get in!

Won’t let you break my skin 💆🏽‍♀️

I WAS BORN TO WIN✨

You don’t believe in me, then let that be!

But I believe in me🗣

And when I bend my knee, he speaks wisdom and unity.. prosperity and completion..

An in that, I believe.. 🙏🏽

So that day is coming, where I will be!

Who I SEE that I can be👸🏽

As long as I got faith in me,

That’s all I need 💋

-tNl🧠